booknboob.com Blog

So, while I flounder around starting posts and stopping them mid-sentence so that I can edit, edit, edit my content, so that I can double-check to make sure that I am saying what I am meaning to say, so that I can verify that I am writing something worthy of this brand of instant “publication”, I am, by all stretches of the creative imagination, not writing at all.  (In fact, I just started to delete this sentence and then stopped myself and forced myself to write it before I could read back to the beginning and delete the whole damn thing.  Where are thou, my self-confidence???)

So, I have, just recently, in the last few days in fact, experienced a little, life-altering epiphany.   And, yes, like most life-altering epiphanies–or at least like most of my life-altering epiphanies, because I have had so very many, you know– the burst of mind-numbing enlightenment was completely obvious.  Beyond obvious.  Let me fill you in…

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I have been forbidden to get on my blog and write posts in which I am inherently negative or in which I attempt to psychoanalyze myself. It probably does not come as a surprise that I use my blog as a sort-of cathartic public cleansing ritual. I throw myself out into cyberspace and feel like I’ve gone to confession. Without the irritating repentance part.

But, sometimes, I must admit, I regret having posted. I get a knot in my stomach thinking that maybe I’ve been too sarcastic, too honest, too intimate, too banal. Sometimes, I get obsessive about my posts. Analyze myself even further. Wonder if I sound like a total psycho-loser.

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At work, I am in dress shoes, slimmers and fit tops, mascara and earrings and styling foam. At home, I am bra-less, sagging, and bare foot, often with bed head and tiny spaghetti sauce hand prints on my tank top.

At work, I am a professional, an actor, a career gal. A woman fit nicely into the long box of a specified role. At home, I sometimes find it difficult to determine just who I am. A woman who must multi-task, split between a host of roles and personalities.

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About 30 minutes ago I commented to my husband about how, when I get home from work, I would like, just once, to be able to sit down on the back deck and relax. ‘Cause that just ain’t been happenin’ since I’ve become a workin’ mama.

So, in the spirit of all cosmic coincidences in which “you [might not] always get what you want… but, you get what you need”, I’d like to give a Hoo-Yah to toddlers heading to bed early and without a fuss, to patio furniture received for Mother’s Day, for Marigolds and a pumpkin patch that not only outlasted the drought but are vying to be prizewinners, and for cool, mild October temperatures and leaves just beginning to change. Oh yeah, and for Flying Dog Double Dog IPA. Ahhhhhh… A toast to my Calgon moment!

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I cannot promise you much.

But since my husband practically man-handled me into the bedroom, forcing the lap top on me, and forbidding me to leave the room until I published something on my blog, I figured I’d try to give you something.

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