booknboob.com Blog

I only have a brief moment.  I’ve started to really hit the books/computer hard as a National Board candidate.  So, you may be seeing even less of me.  (No, no, don’t cry.  Please.   Stop.  I mean it.)

I still haven’t had time to complete my muffin top extravaganza.  But, it’s coming.

Oh, yes, it is.

Instead, I’ve continued to be plagued by guilt about Silas and the whole hospital ordeal.  It just seems like a really sick, ugly shame that I had this major family disconnect at the same time that Silas was so ill.   Of course, it wasn’t intentional.  But, you know, the whole road to hell and all that.

Still, and I don’t know if I can put what I was going through into words (or if I even want to put it into words), I’ve learned from that bitter lapse of familial bliss.

(If you’ve been reading you might be noting that “familial bliss” might be a poetic stretch of the imagination.  But, still.  You know what I mean.)

Anyhow, I don’t know if it was seeing my boy so sick or if it was my mom coming to relieve the stress or the fact that I’ve been regularly taking my medicine, but I’ve been through a major change.

I’ve been able to relax and enjoy!

And, with a two-year-old that’s just vital.

I’m not going to go into all the cute little things that I’ve watched Silas do lately.  About how particular he is and how he throws his head back when he laughs.  Honestly, all the wonderful is pretty much summed up in the picture.  (Yes, I finally broke down and posted a cute picture of my son.  Does that mean I’ve turned all warm and fuzzy?  Still, can you even try to resist that smile?!?)

So, I guess the good part of fucking up– as long as no one was seriously hurt along the way– is– yes, I’m going to be totally cliche and am going to try to use at least one more set of hyphens– is– okay, I don’t really have anything to add but the hyphens– is that you can, indeed, learn from your mistakes.

I’m sure I’m not the first parent who was overdoing it at work, was feeling stressed at home, and who decided to put the blinders on in a desperate act of self-preservation.

The good thing is, I’ve re-prioritized.

So yeah, that’s why I haven’t been here.  It’s not because I’m reading trash novels (well, I am) or because I’m watching trash T.V. (no, I’m really not– unless you count Thomas as trash) or because I haven’t a thing to say.

I haven’t been here because I’ve been playing with my boy.  (Well, and I’ve been working on my Nat’l Boards while he sleeps.)

Anyhow, may you live each day like it’s 1999.  Or, whatever.

Love the one your with.

~Em

This blog is a smart, witty, and creatively honest literary work that depicts the triumphs and troubles that playout over time in a mother’s struggle to keep life in balance.. You must read! (it’s not just for ladies either)

– Posted on Facebook by my good friend Anne D.

This monumental pile of dishes are clean. 

So, Paul just told me that Limp Bizzzzzzzzkit or some shit covered the song that graces the title of this blog.  To the world,  I’m sorry.

Still, here I am again.  In all my glory.  I had a crazy surge of energy the other night (hence the 3AM post) and, following Nina’s lead, got myself added to the Asheville Blogroll.  http://www.blogasheville.blogspot.com/

And, created a Facebook Page for this site.  (Join it, yeah!) 

And, finally got some GD photos posted on this here blog.    (You might laugh at me, but there is something either wrong with my web hosting or wrong with my computer or wrong with me.  Or, all of the above.  But, it was a nasty, multi-hour, uploading to Shutterfly, and then making a copy, and then uploading again, kind-of bizarre experience.  In short, it really sucked.)

However, as you can tell from the quote above, it paid off.

So, I thought I could start posting cute little pictures of Silas on my blog.  But, and I don’t know why, I don’t think that’s my style.  (However, it might be tomorrow.)  Instead, I uploaded more kitchen.  Paul has a new thing against our ancient dishwasher, so we often have this large pile of dishes (clean or dirty) piled up around our sink.    It’s not pretty.  But, then again, it’s our life.  And, since my title is faith-uh-faith-uh-faith-uh, it makes sense.  To me.  (Read on.)

(more…)

It’s 3:35.  Yes, in the morning.  I often wake, regardless of the hour, brimming with ideas.  Often, I curse the fact that my best thinking comes when it shouldn’t– in the car, in the shower, in the middle of the night.  But, almost as often, I am stirred from my sleep, compelled to jot down a at least a few bits and pieces.

So, I’ve been sitting here, working on some posts, some poems, some new perspectives on my life.  Being 3:38 in the morning and a work night,  I was about to return to bed until I noticed the moon pouring through the “reading room” window onto my day bed.  (Ironically, spilling right onto my journal and laptop.)

I had to lie in that light.

And, now, at 3:40, I am wondering should I sleep in it even at the risk of offending my husband.

There must be something magical to absorb.

(more…)

So, while I flounder around starting posts and stopping them mid-sentence so that I can edit, edit, edit my content, so that I can double-check to make sure that I am saying what I am meaning to say, so that I can verify that I am writing something worthy of this brand of instant “publication”, I am, by all stretches of the creative imagination, not writing at all.  (In fact, I just started to delete this sentence and then stopped myself and forced myself to write it before I could read back to the beginning and delete the whole damn thing.  Where are thou, my self-confidence???)

So, I have, just recently, in the last few days in fact, experienced a little, life-altering epiphany.   And, yes, like most life-altering epiphanies–or at least like most of my life-altering epiphanies, because I have had so very many, you know– the burst of mind-numbing enlightenment was completely obvious.  Beyond obvious.  Let me fill you in…

(more…)

I’ve been banished to the backyard because I am being a bitch.

Again.

(more…)