Not Enough Profundity
So, I’ve let time lapse again.
Silas was in the hospital with pneumonia. Of course, it was very daunting and worrisome and I had this tremendous sense of guilt weighing on me. Paul had been staying home with him this time (I had just been out with Silas for a week when he had the flu) and I didn’t fully realize how sick he had gotten. I had had a cold and I thought Silas just had my cold and then wham! he was in the hospital. In fact, when Paul called to let me know that he decided to take him back to the doctor I just commented that they would give him more antibiotic so I didn’t really see the point. Ummm… I was wrong. And, luckily, Paul was there. He was right. And, then we were in the hospital.
Silas is fine now. Nothing an IV and some rest couldn’t cure. Still, when your baby’s sick. It’s just exhausting.
And then we’ve still got all the same old pressures at home. The money trouble and the unfinished house and the stress.
I had really just wanted to write about my muffin top and instead life threw some heavy things my way. Again. And, again. Oh, the unrelenting nature of it all.
Then I get depressed, then I second guess myself and then I have this problem where I think that everything I write needs to be funny or thought-provoking or profound. I give myself wicked cases of writer’s block when I don’t think I can capture the essence of what’s going on in my head. Or, when I think people wouldn’t be interested in hearing me hem and haw over and over again. (Oh, you mean, like I am right now???) I probably could have written a brief piece in the hospital or during Silas’s nap after we got home. But, it was just too big and too dreary and I was sort-of down and I just couldn’t.
But, here I am. I am here. Without anything really profound to say. Just here. And, now that I’ve been here, now that I’ve cleared the air once again, I can get down to finishing my muffin top piece. Because pieces about belly fat are inevitably full of profound, thought-provoking, and humorous moments. Wouldn’t you think?
November 12th, 2009 at 8:20 am
Em,
I support your writing, regardless of subject. The muffin-top piece sounds intriguing!
Kim
November 14th, 2009 at 9:45 am
I’m glad Silas is doing better! I know what you mean about the writer’s block. I think, does anyone really want to hear me write about how much I miss my mom AGAIN. But, I keep reminding myself that what I wanted was for my blog to be a place of truth and honesty – even if sometimes it sounds to me like the same old song and dance. That’s why we’re all here – to hear that same old song and dance and understand it.
So keep going!
November 14th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Emily! I had no idea Silas had been so sick! I am so sorry to hear it, though I know that it is going around right now (Paul’s always telling me that, at least) and that they must have taken good care of him at the hospital. Get settled at home, get well, and call me when you get the chance. Thanks.