booknboob.com Blog

This blog is a smart, witty, and creatively honest literary work that depicts the triumphs and troubles that playout over time in a mother’s struggle to keep life in balance.. You must read! (it’s not just for ladies either)

– Posted on Facebook by my good friend Anne D.

 

This monumental pile of dishes are clean. 

So, Paul just told me that Limp Bizzzzzzzzkit or some shit covered the song that graces the title of this blog.  To the world,  I’m sorry.

Still, here I am again.  In all my glory.  I had a crazy surge of energy the other night (hence the 3AM post) and, following Nina’s lead, got myself added to the Asheville Blogroll.  http://www.blogasheville.blogspot.com/

And, created a Facebook Page for this site.  (Join it, yeah!) 

And, finally got some GD photos posted on this here blog.    (You might laugh at me, but there is something either wrong with my web hosting or wrong with my computer or wrong with me.  Or, all of the above.  But, it was a nasty, multi-hour, uploading to Shutterfly, and then making a copy, and then uploading again, kind-of bizarre experience.  In short, it really sucked.)

However, as you can tell from the quote above, it paid off.

So, I thought I could start posting cute little pictures of Silas on my blog.  But, and I don’t know why, I don’t think that’s my style.  (However, it might be tomorrow.)  Instead, I uploaded more kitchen.  Paul has a new thing against our ancient dishwasher, so we often have this large pile of dishes (clean or dirty) piled up around our sink.    It’s not pretty.  But, then again, it’s our life.  And, since my title is faith-uh-faith-uh-faith-uh, it makes sense.  To me.  (Read on.)

On Sunday, I thought  it might do us good to all go to church together.  I was feeling pretty cranky but thought that the whole thing might be uplifting. 

I was wrong. 

We had a visiting minister which, usually, means a pretty interesting little bit of Bible School.  But, in this case, and perhaps it was my mood, I felt like the visitor was more of a self-important little bastard. 

(I know I just called a minister a bastard.  I may have to say an extra some penance at the pearly gates for that.  No, I don’t really believe in hell.  Well, except the hell for the really, really bad people.) 

Anyhow, this minister, he did what irks me about Unitarians:  he kept making snide little jokes about how we are so different and liberal.   It really gets on my nerves.  But it’s one of those things where everyone else laughs.  So, you think, “Maybe, just maybe, I’m in the wrong place here.”  And, maybe I am.

You see, lately I’ve been praying.  Real, God’s honest praying.  Closing my eyes and saying thanks and breathing deep and asking for help and all that jazz.  I’ve been praying and it seems to work.    Well, it seems to help me find my shoes.  But, still.  Shoes found are shoes found.   That could make the difference between a good God and a no God in my book.  (Maybe that’s a little too broad an interpretation of Matthew 21:21, eh?)

Anyhow, I’ve been praying.  It’s all I have to hold on to lately.  I’ve been praying and then I go to church and this little,uh, man tells me that God doesn’t answer little prayers.  That the cosmos is so big that “he” has little time to spend on us low lifes.  I have to say, it didn’t really make me feel any better.

(I should say that Paul really liked the guy.  He did tell a moving story about his place in the Civil Rights Movement with Dr. Martin Luther King.  If I had been in a better mood it might have been touching.)

Anyhow, faith.  Paul keeps telling me I need to have some.  Like, faith that we’ll get out of this financial mess.    That he’ll fix things.   That this situation is only temporary.

I don’t know about that.  It’s really friggin’ hard.

But, here’s what I do see: 

We didn’t have anything but canned soup for dinner the other night and then we were invited by friends to come for a fabulous dinner.

We didn’t have gas in our cars and a friend showed up with $40 on loan.  (Just checking on us.)

My co-worker paid my way, without my asking, to get into my National Board program and showed up on Silas’s birthday with a box of groceries.

Paul, who I used to think I would kill in the middle of the night when he wouldn’t help with Silas, now lets me sleep in every weekend and has been dutifully in charge of the dishes. 

And now, my sister, who I am SO close with, just found a job up here and is moving to good ole NC!!!

I have to have faith.  At least that there are people who love me.  That I’m not going to end up in a cardboard box.  That, on those really tough mornings, I will find my shoes. 

Yeah, faith.   You gotta have it.   And, I gotta get to bed.

So, cheers again, to a window open when a door closes and all that other great stuff from, well, The Sound of Music.   May you have what you need when you need it.   And may you keep better house than I do. 

Amen.

 

 

 

This entry was posted on Monday, October 19th, 2009 at 10:40 pm and is filed under Just (not so) Plain Life, On Awakening. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.