The Sunny Side
Ahhhhhhhhh!
I am bogged down with anxiety again this afternoon. I won’t go into the gory details. Actually, there are no gory details. Just a fog of swirling thoughts, a few panicky fears, and a stomach ache.
Still, I wanted to preface that I wouldn’t go into the gory details so that you would read on. It has been suggested to me that I have, in recent times, crossed the line of decency, plunged into a vacuum of “too much information”, opened myself up for ridicule and disrespect. Possibly, I’m going too far yet again. But, I should perhaps take a vow of silence on all things diarrhea and on commenting that my belly is like a jelly fish.
There, you’re safe now. I can go on.
For the past day or two, I’ve been wanting to write about just how great things are, how the past few weeks I’ve been living the life, how I’ve crossed the street over to the sunny side. Ironically, now that I have the time to write, I am plagued again by undue anxiety.
Still, I will venture on! I will uphold the torch of optimism and jolly good fun!
(I tried my first spell with Facebook! just before deciding to write this and found that that cyber-orgy was just a bit too overwhelming for me right now. I like it here, on my blog space, where nothing is quite so instant and I don’t feel like people are staring into my soul. Even if they are…)
So, on with the optimism.
I’ve been looking over several of my former posts in an attempt to glean things worthy of more formal essays. You know, in case there is something I’ve written here that could be remodeled for possible publication. I’m feeling very, well, optimistic about my prospects. Of course, I’m on vacation, but also I’m brilliant. So… why not?
Anyhow, in looking over these posts, I’ve really noticed how good things have gotten, are getting, for me. For awhile, it seemed like a lot of doom and gloom and I would like to report that I really do think I’ve crossed over.
Yeah, money is still a major issue for us right now.
But, Silas is a JOY to be around. He’s come through this surgery with unbelievable healing prowess. He’s starting to really talk and communicate and exert his independence and I’m just totally in love with him. In love with being a mom. (Yes, it helps that I’m not working right now.) But, whew, I’ll say it again. I’m in love with being a mom!
The kitchen, while still not quite back to normal, is fully functional. Functional to the point that I wouldn’t be mortified if someone stopped by.
I feel like I have the housework under control.
I’m writing, writing, more writing. (I finished my story and am very pleased with how it turned out. Keep posted to see if I win anything. I’m still debating about whether or not to post the whole story. We’ll see. I would be happy to send it to you as an attachment in an email of you are really that interested.)
I’m also reading, and hiking, and napping. (I didn’t mention the garden because it has mostly been eaten by ground hogs, but still…)
Man, this is the life.
I should do this not working thing more often!
But, I guess that brings us back to the money, honey.
Oh well.
I’m going to enjoy it while I got it. And, maybe, I can figure out a way to carry it, the peace, through the work year. You never know. Now that I’ve declared myself a true optimist, then I believe I can.
I know I can, I know I can…
Honestly, though, after reading about some of what I was going through over the past year and a half, I am really thankful to be on this side of the street. I could have been admitted or divorced or homeless, but I hung in there, we hung in there, through my battle with illness, and, my God, psychosis, and Silas’s colicky streak and his three month illness, and Paul’s 1/3-life breakdown and, and, and…
Whew!
And, here I am rolled up on the couch with my trusty computer and a good book. (Well, an okay book. I’m reading William Maxwell’s So Long, See You Tomorrow which has been described as “perfect” but seems a little dry to me.) Silas still naps and I’m just here in the thick of the good life.
I’m so glad that we hung on.
It’s been quite the road.
Anyhow, I look forward to more musings soon enough. But for now, I just wanted to share my joy.
I hope you’ve also got some space for whatever it is you love.
Until the next joyous post… (anxiety is slowly abating)… hang in there!
