booknboob.com Blog

Oh my Lord!  It’s been over a month.

A silent 34 days.

Enough time to lose one’s precious readership…

Sadly, I stopped posting just moments after declaring that I was ready to my to “take my blog to the next level.”

Some level.

Do I smell a bout of self-defeatism?  Or, just a mere pause?  A pathetic vomitous irony? Or a long, breathless moment designed to gather my thoughts?

(A big thanks to Tata who not only took my declaration seriously but offered up her advice.  I am sorry, sorry, sorry to disappoint.  But, am still grateful, grateful, grateful for the advice.)

I wish I could commit to end the ceasefire and just blast away– one heated post after the next.

But, truth be told, I’m tired.

I could rant on and on about why I’ve been tired.  Author a novella about a sick and increasingly obstinate 14-month-old (who blatantly refuses to walk!!!).  Concoct a cast of characters that include a TV-obsessed husband, a room full of pre-adolescent psychos, and a Jehovah woman that just won’t leave well enough alone.

But, I’m past all that.  Of course I am.  And one day, I’m going to be a real writer.

Until then– until that day when I see my beautiful, untainted name (meaning that I never altered my maiden name, not that I don’t have any smudges on my record) in bold, black, professional print– I know that somehow, in some way, I need to press on.

And, I plan on starting here.   At Book n’ Boob.  The web site that I never carried past first base.  One of my many hopeful bunts tapped right into the willing hands of the fearless catcher that I call life.

(Okay so I’m a big pathetic cheeseball.  So what?!?)

However, before I sign my name to this desperate, hasty love letter, I’d like to note that I have not just abandoned this blog.  I have lost almost complete contact with some of my dearest friends.  (Heather?  Jason?  Are you out there?)  I have spent nights sleeping on the day bed and have spent days in a fog of insane house cleaning.  I have had to face the ugly fact that I just muddled through another unattractive, bipolar cycle and am trying to convince myself that I am the better for it.  While many things have been sweet, so many other things have been sour.  I am not trying to complain as much as I am trying to convince myself that– hello!– I still have some emotional reckoning to do.

In the meantime, I am happy to be back for tonight, maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. Who knows?  Could be from this day forward, through sickness and health, richer or poorer, til death do us part.

I would also like to say that I sincerely hope that you, dear reader, had a bountiful, delicious, and indulgent Thanksgiving holiday and are looking forward to the chestnut-roasted, tinsel-topped, carol-laden gift-giving gluttony of Christmas (or Hannukah or Kwanzaa or Winter Solstice or Absolutely Nothing– whatever you choose to prefer).  I know that I did and I am.  (I will openly admit that I am a complete SUCKER for the winter holidays.)

I honestly hope that I will be writing here tomorrow and that my apology has been accepted.  I am going to excuse myself now to work on a short story that has been plaguing much of my mental white space–  poking a finger in my side while I drive, mimicking me while I try to sleep, and doing all the other annoying kid sister things that it can think of. So, before I squeeze this story’s cheeks together so that it has no choice but to stick it’s ugly pink tongue out at me, I better go.

Until tomorrow or the next day or the day after that,

Lots of love and luck.
–Me

This entry was posted on Monday, December 1st, 2008 at 9:50 pm and is filed under On Writing, That Beautiful Bipolarity!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.