booknboob.com Blog

I should be writing about Silas’s first birthday. (It was Saturday.)
And, I will.

But seeing as we just finished experiencing our first real post-celebratory-and-oh-wait-all-the-attention-is-no-longer-on-me-
and-all-of-our-company-has-gone-home meltdown, I just don’t have the stomach for it.

So, instead I’m choosing to honor my ego’s unhealthy infatuation with a fantastical future version of myself. A self that really means strapping on the Nikes and hitting the trail when she uses the word “jogging”. A self that can stop at just one Lays and has a deep understanding that the remainder of the birthday cake will still be there in the morning making it unnecessary to polish it off in one evening.

Yes, you got it! While our elected officials are working tirelessly to end our addiction to foreign oil, I am working to end my addiction to foreign (and local) cheese.

Ah, cheese!

So, here is my almost-a-fad-diet-but-not-a-fad-diet-because-I-would-never-actually-
follow-a-fad proposal: 30 vegan days and nights.

Yes, I am going to attempt the impossible: 44,640 dairy-free minutes. (Soy, rice, and almond products not withstanding.)

So, you won’t be tempted to think me shallow perhaps I need to further explain. While I will admit that I do like to stop and fantasize about myself blasting through the red ribbon at the end of the Boston Marathon to the awe-struck applause of the spectators, Johnny Depp including, or atop the Miss Christmas Pageant float waving my manicured hand in the air while other less fortunate females damn my irradiating beauty, this plan to go plant-heavy really has little to do with aesthetics.

I am intensely more interested in control.

You see, until entering the fun-filled world of Working Motherdom, I didn’t really see myself as a comfort eater. Oh, was I wrong, wrong, trapped in the throes of aching denial, wrong. At the end of a work day, I will shove any edible item that is no longer moving into my mouth and call it tasty.

I swear I was not always this way. While I’ve always struggled a bit with my weight, as an adult I’ve considered myself a fairly healthy eater and at the very least a moderate exerciser as well. But, when I encounter a block of cheddar at four-thirty and by four-thirty-five there’s not enough left to bait a rat trap and I’m digging up the unopened bag of candy corns from last Halloween, something needs to give. (No, I haven’t started in on the Easter Peeps yet.)

I’m certain you probably agree with me. But, vegan? Why?

Well, it’s simple. One of my sisters is vegan and her ass looks so good in jeans that it makes me nauseated.

I may not choose to make a life-long commitment to an animal-free diet, but I know I can make it through October. Just in time to back in the saddle for turkey and gravy. (How do I know I’ll make it? A few years ago, around Easter time, I participated in what I referred to as “experi-lent”. 40 days and nights without alcohol. And, I did it. By George, I did it! Then I went on to omit alcohol from my diet for an entire 9 and 1/2 months! It was downright crazy!)

So, with a dabble of soy milk in my coffee and a lentil loaf for lunch, I officially begin my wild, gastronomical adventure. And I dare you, double dog dare you, to do the same!

Anyone with me?!?

This entry was posted on Monday, September 29th, 2008 at 11:34 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.