Letter from a Child Lost, to his Mother
Before I became pregnant with Silas, Paul and I suffered a miscarriage. In an attempt to make sense of this loss, I wrote the following poem. I recently submitted this poem to Mothering magazine, but it was rejected. This was my first official submission and therefore my first official rejection. Of course, I wish they had accepted the poem, but I feel good about the entire process. It helped that the rejection was very personal and very kind.
Letter from a Child Lost, to his Mother
I slipped into your womb that night
quiet as dust falling back to the Earth.
Still, you knew I was there.
Right away you knew.
And, I smiled.
In the heat of the summer,
you were relaxed and radiant
and so in love.
I was in love with you too.
In love with all of you,
the divine you.
You who touches both sand and sun,
boundless in your luminosity.
You cannot see yourself clearly
in the murky looking glass of this Earth.
But, I can.
I can and I chose you.
Despite your fear, you invited me in.
You invited me in.
And, I smiled.
I whispered to you that night as you slept.
I whispered and you dreamt of me.
I was a pulse of universe bursting inside of you.
A spark of life where only darkness had been.
In your dreams that night, we were able to touch.
Finger to finger.
Palm to palm.
Death is only a state of mind.
It is not what you think it is–
cold voids and forgotteness.
Death does not exist.
I’ve never left you,
just as you have never taken a breath
without me.
I slipped from your body
as quietly as I entered.
On an exhale.
A star being pulled back into the sky.
Again, you noticed.
You noticed
and you were afraid.
I did not leave you empty.
I created a small space inside you.
A space now filled with light.
A space for mystery,
for the universe to enter through.
You are not alone.
My hands are in your hands.
Our breath the same breath.
Inhale and I am in your lungs,
exhale and I am dust in the universe.
Take care of the little boy in your womb.
Listen when he whispers to you.
Smile.
Help him to recognize his divine nature.
He and I have also touched.
We are all made of the same bit of magic.
June 11th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Wow, very beautiful. Don’t worry about the rejection – perhaps it just wasn’t right for the target market of their magazine. Submit it elsewhere.