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I keep a journal of letters to my son that I began while I was pregnant. Admittedly, I didn’t write much from weeks 4 until the present because he is just now getting over that crying-all-the-time hump. But, here is an excerpt from today’s letter.

Dear Silas,

You are SO amazing! Sometimes just thinking about how wonderful you are is too awesome, too powerful, that I almost don’t think I can handle it. We were in the Madonna Room at the Biltmore House the other week and I was overcome with tears trying to explain to Kerry the scene in The Passion of the Christ when Mary runs to help Jesus after he falls on the way to his execution. I can barely think of it now. I’m covered in goosebumps.

Just know that you are the greatest gift I’ve ever received.

Right now you are on the living room floor on the polka-dotted quilt that Joy Lowery made you. You are watching me intently– as if you know what I’m doing– as if you have a divine sense of wisdom. If I read you what I’m writing, you always laugh.

You’re rolling around and reaching for your soft blocks and your Happy Apple and chewing on our fingers. I just watched you roll from your back to your front for the first time and I’m actually crying. I’m afraid as you grow big, I’ll forget all these little moments and, of course, you will think that I’m a nostalgic, sentimental mess!

You just watched the cat leap up onto the table with a look on your face that seemed to say: “With only a little more perseverance, I could do that!”

The Happy Apple is by far your favorite toy. It was my toy when I was small and it makes the coolest, most Zen-like chime when you jostle it. We joke that it’s your religion because it quiets you when you cry. But, so does Wolf Blitzer on CNN and I don’t want to think oh him as your religion. So, maybe we need to reevaluate…

I do want to make sure you understand one thing: you are terribly brilliant! You’re so smart that sometimes I’m jealous! I’m trying not to place too many expectations on you, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you become legend. You are a baby beyond your time! And there you are, staring at me again, thinking: “With just a tad more perseverance, I could write like that! Look I can already roll over in every direction and pick up my apple and touch my toes!” You’re flipping back and forth with such ease! You are an Olympian! (Melisa promised to send me an article about the damage of too much praise, but I don’t think I’ll read it!) And there you are, trying to crawl!

The other day, your father and I took you on a picnic at Carl Sandburg. You eyed me with such disdain that I let you suck on an edamame pod, but I took it away because I was afraid you would actually eat it! So, we went to the little shop under Sandburg’s house– where I decided to buy you a bleating, long-eared goat for your 6 month birthday in March– and a ranger came up to you all smiles and laughter. You were face-out in the Baby Bjorn and I was sure you would laugh back at the man, but instead, out popped your bottom lip and you started to scream! I was a little embarrassed because I felt sorry for the man, but your dad handled the situation. He explained that you were starting to exhibit a little stranger anxiety. Then, before walking smartly away, added “He’s really advanced!”

So, you see, we’re both so proud of you we can hardly contain ourselves!

Don’t let it go to your head, okay?

Lots of Love, Mom

PS- Yesterday, I played you like an electric guitar because “Paradise City” came on the radio. I’m sorry. Please don’t be ashamed…

This entry was posted on Monday, February 4th, 2008 at 10:06 pm and is filed under Favorite Posts, Letters to my Son. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.